Introduction to Episode
La-Dana Manhertz will make stress work for you. In this episode we dial into how stress affects the body AND how to get your control back.
Podcast Episode Summary
La-Dana and I talked for quite awhile about how stress looks, what you get when you work with La-Dana, and how stress really affects the body. La-Dana shares her steady wealth of knowledge of how the body works, how the stress hormones affect our bodies and decision making, and she shares tangible steps on how we can take back control of these situations, so we can make stress work for us.
Two important tips La-Dana brought to our conversation are:
- See and affirm your work
- Focus on on why you are doing something, not the how
She brings all her wisdom, especially as she walks with and through her own motherhood journey as she found her passion in helping other women get control of their stressful days.
Take a listen and truly learn to Let It Go (like Elsa says).
“Stress builds up one activity at a time.”
“If you make decision in survival mode, you will make rash decisions.”
For more information about Michelle, Balance Shared, events, and projects, please visit www.michellelasley.com.
Michelle Lasley 0:02
Hi. This is Michelle Lasley with balanced shared a space where I truly believe we are better together. My guest today is Latina man hertz. She uses the pronouns she her hers with Dana is a lover of life. She spent most of her career supporting the health and well being of members of large organizations.
Through her online platform mindset on Well, she uses that same passion and energy to ignite and inspire women to get motivated control stress, choose wellness and enjoy a more satisfied satisfied life. Medina is a certified stress and wellness consultant by the Canadian Institute of stress is currently in training, pursuing board certification as a health and wellbeing coach and a doctoral student pursuing a PhD in social psychology. One thing she knows for sure, when it comes to your wellness, the only way to succeed is to focus on the why not how she's married, and loved spending time with her husband and her amazing little girl who both inspire her to live boldly. Welcome.
La-Dana Manhertz 1:09
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Michelle, I'm so excited for the opportunity to engage with you and your listeners today.
Michelle Lasley 1:17
So I'm thrilled as well. So we both live here in the Pacific Northwest. But you moved from from Canada?
La-Dana Manhertz 1:27
I did. I moved from Canada to the Pacific Northwest. And can I tell you my second time here after it was my second visit? And on that second return, I was like we love it here. My husband got a job opportunity. And we said yes, we are taking it is so beautiful here if we cannot resist. I love Canada and it is wonderful. Gosh, there's nothing like this amazing weather, even though it rains sometimes.
Michelle Lasley 1:55
Well, so I live in a little house in Portland, Oregon. And right now, as of the time of this recording, it's spring. And we haven't done much of anything to our backyard. So what it's full of is Hill violets, maybe some wild geranium, and lots and lots of bluebells which are underneath our English walnut tree and our magnolia tree, which all have their spring leaves. So that means every time I look out my kitchen window, it looks like this beautiful forest floor.
La-Dana Manhertz 2:28
And then with sounds amazing.
Michelle Lasley 2:30
Thank you. So you call your work mind set on Well, why did you choose that name?
La-Dana Manhertz 2:39
Now I definitely chose that name because I wanted to play on the word mindset. But I wanted it to be more action oriented. So I split mind set, keeping it on well thinking about it, like how you set your alarm, how you set your clock, how you set your day. So I'm asking people to keep your mind set and focused on staying well, so that it becomes easier and easier to choose your wellness, no matter what happens throughout your day.
Michelle Lasley 3:07
Awesome. So what's your mission?
La-Dana Manhertz 3:11
My mission, honestly, is to have and encourage and inspire women to live a more satisfying life. There is so much on our plates, there's so much that we have to deal with every single day. And if I do my contribution, I can just have women wake up in the morning and feel like I have this much more control over my life, I have this much more opportunity to stay well to be well. And I have this much more clarity on what it means for me to be satisfied in my life so I can chase it. Then for me that would have been a life well lived.
Michelle Lasley 3:50
Awesome. So with the people that you work with the women that you work with, can you describe to me like a sort of typical gal when she comes to you, and she's not set on? Well, what her day might look like.
La-Dana Manhertz 4:06
So her day, she's she's a professional woman or she's working from home or she's a stay at home mom. And she's trying to balance work. She's trying to balance her home life. She's trying to balance her relationships. And all of these hats are really heavy, really weighing her down, but it's difficult for her to put any of them aside because someone is depending on her something is depending on her. And there are a lot of things that she has to get done. And as a result, it becomes easier and easier and easier for her to get lost in the middle of all of what she's supposed to be doing. And all the shoulds that she's created in her life and all the expectations that are waiting on her shoulders. And before she knows that she no longer knows what makes her happy. She no longer knows what makes her feel satisfied. She's burdened by life. She wants more joy. She wants more satisfaction. She probably starts taking on some of this on her family, some of this on her relationships, she can feel the strain and the stress, she knows there's a better way, she tries a bunch of things, nothing really gives her the satisfaction she needs. And after coming with me and working through it, then she's better able to understand what I love to call her wide power. And that's what helps to understand why are all of these things important to me? Why do I want this? Where do I want to go? How do I get there, and then she can feel more motivated, and not just be motivated, but she understands what her end goal looks like. So when she gets there, she's actually satisfied with the outcome, because she had a clear picture of what she wanted, how she wanted to get there, and how she did actually get it done.
Michelle Lasley 5:46
Awesome. Can we let's go back to that getting lost piece because as a mother, I definitely experienced that myself, right. And I find that a lot of moms do and regular regular I'm not trying to be pejorative towards any any role chosen or on chosen by anybody. But it's just it's a different role when you put the mom hat on. And what I found when I talked to people, whether they joyfully went into becoming a mother, or or life had different circumstances, and all of a sudden, there was a surprise, and you had to figure things out, it really didn't seem to matter. You know, if the the nursery was well planned, and there was all that anticipation, the baby came in your five year plan, or it was the complete opposite. When baby comes, there's a whole new personality and a whole new being. And then all of a sudden life takes on a completely different set of things and you find yourselves often with different people I've talked to without if this doesn't resonate with you, that's great. Awesome. Oh, no, it
La-Dana Manhertz 6:51
Michelle Lasley 6:53
So I'm talking about them the magic you out there. So so you know, like what I found right is so my kiddo is now 13 years old. So it's a little different at this point. But at the time, you know, when when he was little, it's like, I actually ended up with graves disease. And so what was happening is my body was taking the proteins that would have otherwise gotten to the breast milk, so that it could support my unhealthy body, right didn't know that at the time, because our medical industry like that's a whole different conversation. So what we were in, though, was an endless marathon of failed breastfeeding attempts, with diaper changes and, and then then cooking the food and all the meals and at one point, and even when we did get the feeding and all that under control, I found myself because having good quality food was definitely an important part of me as being a mother, I find myself in the kitchen all day long. You cook the breakfast, you clean up from the breakfast, you cook the then now it's all of a sudden it's lunchtime, right? Because that whole process took like two hours. And now you have to start thinking about lunch and you're making a homemade meal and you're doing this and then they have to clean up and then all of a sudden, it's four o'clock, and it's time to think about dinner. And it's like where did my day go? Where did the book go that I wanted to read? Where did the drive and inspiration go to be able to end the laundry? Oh, shoot, I think there was a load that I put in there yesterday, and does it smell musty now, and so. So you don't mean necessarily to get lost. But it's like, like you said all these shoulds that we put on yourself in listeners, we are on zoom. So I had the pleasure of seeing the air quotes. So when when somebody comes to you like that, what's the first thing you do?
La-Dana Manhertz 8:39
See all of what you're going through the first thing in the most important thing is to help you take some of that load off. Because I could feel all of that pressure. And I could see all of that pressure as it laid on you even even watching you share that story, I could see you again re experiencing that. And it's so important to affirm you that you are doing the best you can. You are doing the best you can with what you can and all these things that you're doing. They may seem tiny, but they're all important. You have to feed your child to take care of the home, and your work. And all of these things are important. But let's for a moment, appreciate yourself for even being able to get all of that done in the day. Yeah, you might not have gotten to everything you think you should have. But you've got to everything that was needed to be done. And where you are right now is right where you need to be. And we just take a minute and just work through and appreciate all of what you've accomplished. Less than what you think you should, the more you think you should have done. And that's the kind of perspective learning to appreciate. ourselves, learning to give ourselves that compassion, because we can drive ourselves down into that spiral of all of what should be done. But guess what, tomorrow is another day. And today, you favorite child through times. That means your kid gets to live another day. I'm pretty sure you have laundry, I'm pretty sure you have clothes in the closet. So guess what? We can do laundry again tomorrow? How can I help you take some of that burden off your shoulders. And for and for, for a lot of women, just acknowledging the accomplishment, that accomplishment because a lot of us especially when you enter that mom scape, you, you don't always and I'm again, I'm not speaking for everyone. But for a lot of moms that I've engaged with, you tend to undervalue the importance of that work you do in the home. And that work is so important. So helping moms appreciate what they're able to accomplish. And not focusing so heavily on all the other things that they think that they should have gotten done, has gone a long way to helping them give themselves that grace. And definitely helping you with that breath work. We undervalue the importance of that deep breath is our first line of defense. It does amazing things for our bodies, it takes us out of that stress response. All I needed to do this, and I needed to do that. And I had to get that done. And your body is working in this high level of stress. But if you take that moment to just take that deep breath, tell your brain It's okay. It's all right. I have everything under control. And then appreciate what I have accomplished today. Yesterday I was going through if I could just share a quick story. Yesterday I was working through with another coaching students. And I was talking about how overwhelming this COVID-19 situation has been. Because now you're not just working but your parents, your homeschool teacher, you're exposed to your kid a lot more than you would normally have been throughout the day. And I definitely resonate with how am I back in the kitchen again? How am I in the kitchen so many times where did so many plates come from? I'm so not used to. And I'm still entertaining a child. And then I'm having all these expectations. And as I was talking, you know, it connected with me, my daughter's only four. And I have all these expectations of her all these things that I hope and I want for her and I need her to be obedient and to follow these rules. And you know what just had to stop and say, You know what? Yeah, I want her to clean up this room and follow these rules. But because she's four, I just have to lower my expectations. And lifted that lifted so much off my shoulders, just reminding yourself, you know, she's four, or just reminding yourself, I'm a mom. And I'm also a professional woman or macquaire. Woman, I'm a student, and I have all these plates, but I'm doing the best that I can. And I'm going to appreciate the best that I can.Michelle Lasley:
So if somebody is in that moment right now, and now again, we're recording this spring 2020 global pandemic, everybody's in their homes. So you're you're you're trying to do your work from home, you're trying to homeschool the kid. And so for the little ones, right? So then you're like learning the colors and the alphabet and maybe reading and, you know, trying to get them set up in front of the device so that they can get their instruction from their teacher maybe. And then you've got a business call conference call with your boss and then the clients from around the globe. And then then lunch is looming. Because you know, we're all sharing the same space and we're all working from home together right now. And you're in this and you've got all the shoulds are piling up. But you've you're now at a space where you have this awareness to like realize, okay, the shoulds are piling up. Now if somebody is in that space, and they realize that the shoulds are piling up, what could they do you? What would what what is one step you advise your clients to do in that moment.La-Dana Manhertz:
So one primary step, especially when it comes to this shirts. It's so important for us to understand where those shoulds are coming from. Where's that should be helping you and that that's what I always go back to focusing on the why and not the house so not how am I going to get all of these things done. But why is this important right now? What is this supposed to accomplish? Why if you don't get this done, what is actually going to be shifted for you What's going to throw your day off or your wellness off the most Why is this so critical? And that's very advantages, because a lot of times, we have these shoulds. They're based in these giant expectations that society has probably placed on us, that our parents probably placed on us that we're placing on ourselves. So helping helping that client helping that that woman, that mother, that career woman, whoever it is, helping them walk through this should, why is this should so important? And why is this should so important right now? And how Then, can we have a better way to make this important task be actualized in a way that lightens the load, and actually allows you to be more satisfied with what you're supposed to be doing, or what it is you need to walk completion. So I'm not just should do this, because I believe that should happen. Now. I know why it's important for me to do this. But understanding all of the shoulds I've put on my plate, how each of them play in, now I can prioritize each of those tasks, according to their level of importance and value to my actual day. Right.Michelle Lasley:
So what is the end goal? So someone comes to you and then and then they work with you? What is the end end goal? What does that client look like when they come on the other side of working with you.La-Dana Manhertz:
On the other side of working with me, that client wakes up in the morning, and she knows and lives intentionally. When she gets up in the morning, she is clear on how she can maintain her health and well being. She knows how to literally knock out her obstacles. She is driven and focused, to not just have a great life for herself, but to have a great relationship, to kill it in her job to pair it like she's never parented before. And to have the confidence that she can do it, no matter what she encounters. And when those stressors arise, because they arise every single day, she knows how to work through them. She has unique personal skills, because she is a unique person. She's not just grasping at tools, and hoping something works. She knows why this is important. She knows how to do it. And she knows what it looks like for her specifically to be living in her best self.Michelle Lasley:
Oh, that's great. We're gonna take a quick break. And when we come back, I want to dig into if we can what the body looks like underLa-Dana Manhertz:
stress. Absolutely. Awesome.Michelle Lasley:
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Welcome back. So you have been studying being a coach and wellness for a little bit and you're pursuing it even further. So I'm hoping that you can give us a look at what the body looks like under stress.La-Dana Manhertz:
Oh, absolutely. And I love talking about what the body looks like under stress. Because I think the more we talk about what the body looks under stress, the more we realize how automatically it has But also how much control we actually have. So when you think about it stress, and I like to use this analogy, stress builds up, kind of like one item activity stressor invades at a time, right? Think about like, a pot of boiling water on the stove, right. So a lot of things are happening in that boiling water. And before it gets to that 211 degrees, where it's really boiling over now, you probably don't even realize that it's gotten there until you see some steam, and you see all the bubbles boiling over. And that's kind of what's happening in our lives. When we think about stress. It's just little things piling up every now and again, when we're thinking about how it affects us chronically, in our day to day lives. And I'm going to I want to point it out in two different ways. Because I want to ensure people are clear on how it looks differently. So the more of what we experienced is that boiling up every day of different things. And that kind of leads us into this chronic state where we're always feeling overwhelmed, we're fatigued, we're tired, we're irritable, because we've probably exceeded our capacity to deal with whatever the demand is that we're facing. So stress can happen in two ways. It happens acutely. And then it happens chronically. So when I meant when I say stress happens, acutely, I'm talking about the automatic response that we have to threatening or dangerous situation. And our body is built that way. Because safety is first that's like body rule, brain rule number one, keep the body safe. So when something's threatening comes upon us, it could be a snake that's coming after us or we're about to end up in a pretty bad situation or bad, we have bad intuition. Our body goes into this survival mode, our brain specifically goes into this survival mode. And it signals our amygdala, a nice little part of our brain there, which controls kind of our emotional processing and everything else. And it tells it, go into survival mode and get this person out of danger now. And once the signals that it turns on three powerful hormones, which are built to help us go through that fight flight, sometimes freeze response, so that it can get us away from danger, those three hormones, adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol. And the really powerful high octane hormones, because they're built to keep us safe. So threat comes upon us body goes into protective mode, shuts down anything else that will not allow us to escape. So it redirects, redirects, energy from our immune system, our digestive system, our functioning judgment part of the brain, the prefrontal prefrontal cortex, because we don't need to be working out the map, to get away from this dangerous creature, a bear a snake, whatever, we just need to escape. So we just need our legs to work, we need our hands to work. And we need to have all the energy to run away, or to fight or to freeze, if that's what it takes for us to be safe. That's how it the stress responses. And it's automatic. If a threat comes, that automatically happens, that part you have no control over. It's automatic, it's built to keep you safe. But here's what we experienced every day, we experience all kinds of things that make us feel threatened. My kid doesn't listen to me, my boss is overwhelming. I leave for work again, my partner just won't follow through on what I need. I feel emotionally strained. I have a traumatic experience. Guess what your brain can tell the difference between a bear coming at you and your otter not listening to what you say. Each of those make us feel threatened. And so your body goes into that automatic stress response.
Because you feel threatened, whether it's emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, whatever it is, makes you feel some kind of feelings of, I'm not safe, your body automatically responds that way. But I really want to point out, so that's what I mean, when I was given the example of that boiling pot of water. We're going to all of these demands every day. And as a result, we're just keeping, boiling and boiling, but we're never quite dealing with what we're supposed to be dealing. So I want to help you understand a little bit more about how these hormones work because this will help you understand how much control you actually have. Because when you get past all the height of what stress is and how it works. At its core stress is energy. It is the body's automatic mechanism for giving you the energy you need to meet Whatever demand you have to meet in your life, and it powers you in that way to help you meet that demand, whatever that demand is, whether you have to get out of bed, do some exercise, lead a meeting, handle a difficult conversation, your stress level is automatically going to go up. And I don't want you to get confused with our physical source of energy, I'm not talking the physical sense of energy that we get from the calories in our foods, that's completely different that powers our body and fuels. This energy I'm talking about actually drives us to do something about a demand that we are facing. It's like that core motivating pushing factor. And if we use that stress energy efficiently, then we're better able to cope with the different demands that we experience every single day. So when you're faced with a demand or a challenge, whatever it is, having to do, you know, dinner three times, cook a meal three times a day, while doing your business, while caring for your child while trying to maintain a relationship and keep your mental sanity. Each of these demands are adding up. So here's what happens, you have to meet that demand, what's going to happen is to get the energy to do so you're going to get injected with that adrenaline. And you can look at our diamond in like an upper. Right. So it gives you that boost of energy to actually go make a meal or actually get on that business call. So it gives you that boost of energy you need to meet whatever demand it is you're experiencing, shortly after because we what the body wants you to keep the energy to do what you're doing, you get kind of injected with noradrenaline, that's the second hormone. And you can think about it like a modulator. So whatever energy is you needed to get started, it helps you to sustain that energy to do whatever it is you need to do. So if it's running away from a bear, it helps you to keep up those miles per hour so that you can get away from that bear if you need to. It's hosting a meeting, it helps to give you the energy you need to go through that whole meeting and do what you need to get done. If it's cooking a meal, it helps you to keep the energy you need to cook that meal to keep it going and not just quit halfway, right. So that's what that noradrenaline is doing. It helps you to keep that energy and sustain it to do whatever it is you need to do. And it helps you to do that without literally imploding. But here's the issue shortly after, because your body is in this high stress mode to get whatever you need to get done. It naturally will want to come back to a state of relaxation. Because for the body, this is just a little too much. Whatever it is it's doing, you're still it's still in a state of too much. And so your cortisol comes in. And that's your downer. And that's to help you come back down to base after you've done cooking lunch. Or after you've done the meeting. After you've done running after you finish your fitness exercise, it brings you back down to a state of relaxation and balance so that you're not overwhelmed. And you're not just going at high speed. Right? That makes sense. Ah, so that's kind of what that's what it's doing. So the adrenaline gives you the boost of energy. noradrenaline helps you to sustain that energy. And then cortisol helps you to come back down to relaxation.Michelle Lasley:
So in a perfect world, right. In a perfect world where we're managing our stressors properly, we would ride that wave, I go to cook dinner, I go, I cook dinner, my energy goes up, and then he comes back down once dinner is done. And then I go to wash the dishes, energy level goes up, sustain the energy to wash the dishes. When the dishes are done, it comes back down. But here's what's happening. Going back to that boiling pot, we go to cook dinner, and that's stressing us out. We're here at this stress energy level. And I got to do the dishes after I don't actually come back down to relaxation. So I've now added one more stressor, what's going to happen, my body's going to pump me again with more adrenaline to meet the washing of the dishes. Then my kids spilled some milk. Like another level of stress, my body is pumping me again with more energy, because all of these stressors are happening on top of each other. And I'm never quite coming back down to normal. So every single time My body is being overwhelmed with these hormones, and I'm never actually coming back to my point zero. I'm just starting at New thresholds, which has me on this roller coaster with higher peaks and deeper valleys when I have to come off that high and so You aren't that peak, and you're, you're giddy, you're overwhelmed, you're stressed, you're going at 1000 miles per hour. And then when you crash in that valley, you're so fatigued, you're tired, you're getting sick, you have no energy, no motivation, you're irritable. Because you've haven't actually allowed your body to do that balancing that it's supposed to do to get you back to start. But guess what, this is the hope. And that's why I like explaining what's happening in your body, because that part happens automatically, whenever the energy is needed to do what you need to do. But guess what, you have control over these hormones, you actually have the ability to control how long they hang around in your body, you have the ability to control how intensely they impact you, you have the ability to control how quickly you even get that cortisol to come back in. And that's important because you want your body to not be in a chronic state of stress. Remember how I said earlier when it's in that state, it shuts down other parts of your body, because it needs you focused on doing the task. So it shuts down your immune system. Who needs that right now, we need to be able to have our right, we need our immune system functioning on 100, we can't have anything stopping our bodies from being able to protect us from disease, it shuts down our digestive system, because it's like you don't need to be digesting lunch right now, you need to be escaping this thread that you've indicated it's happening to you, or you need the energy to go do 10 push ups, right, that's you need to be doing right now not digesting your food and executive functioning, thinking brain. We don't need the thinking brain right now you don't need to be making good decisions you need to escape. And so what happens if you are in a chronic state of stress where you're not having good judgment, because your prefrontal cortex is switched off, you're not having good digestion because your digestive system is slow down. You're not actually being protected from disease and immunity diseases because your immune system is slowed down, then what happens? You're literally an open book for frustration, illness, fatigue sickness, you're going to start stressing out your family straining your relationships, your sleep is going to be affected, you're probably going to start gaining weight, a lot of negative impacts because your body is having this constant state of stress being injected with these hormones that are setting other useful things aside, just because your kid spilled some milk. Right? Not because you need to escape a dangerous situation. Right? See whatMichelle Lasley:
salutely Absolutely. Oh my gosh, I love that description of how those three hormones work. And I had not heard of the middle one. Can you say that one? For me one more time?La-Dana Manhertz:
Can you spell that?La-Dana Manhertz:
That's N o r. r. Yeah. And then adrenalin. Yeah. So that supports the boost.Michelle Lasley:
Right? Right. The sustainer Oh, my gosh, so fascinating. Yeah, in my world, a lot about cortisol and how cortisol can affect some things. And we can we'll talk about that later. Cuz that was really enjoyable for me. So I hope I hope you all enjoyed that as well. So we we have these lives, that we made choices to maintain for some some reason, right? Like no matter how you walk into motherhood, or whatever, but you know, you want the career you theoretically, theoretically want your partnership. Your your kiddos, they want the job. I said career already. And so we come to a point where we realize, okay, this situation with all these competing stressors and all that this is not going to sustain itself. I am no longer happy. I don't want that. And and there's ways that you can control that. So how do you like what are ways that people can work with you to learn how to control?Unknown Speaker:
control it all?Michelle Lasley:
I mean, you know, to control the controllables, right? BecauseLa-Dana Manhertz:
ram control the controllables that is going to come in? Yes, yes, yes, to control the controllables. And it's always important for us to know what is in my control what is outside of my control. So honestly, we can let it go like Elsa, things that are out of our control, just let it go. Because it makes no sense, being stressed over things that we have no control over. So here are some key ways and I like to give these four simple strategies to get started. And working with me. I really take you in a more in depth way so that it becomes personal for you. But these strategies will work no matter where you are, no matter who you're with. I always like to give these four simple strategies to get started. So that you can start to see for yourself. I actually am a able to do this. And then with me, I can actually kill it, you know what I mean? Like, I can kick her kick stress to the curb and be like, I am now a boss with you. Now you work for me stress, no longer being burdened by you, you I know my employee, and I can now your boss dress
for women to be able to look stress in the eye and be like, you will not take charge of me anymore. However, so some four simple ways that you can actually start to take back your control over stress. I mentioned it before, and I mentioned it again, your breath. Taking that good deep breath, coupled with long, slow out breath, in a really comfortable place where for some people imagery works. So I like to say think about somewhere that you will be relaxed, that you do feel relaxed, so that you are able, so that you are able to like the noradrenalin sustain that breath, right. So I like to have for those who imagery works for them to add that imagery while you're taking those deep breaths. So that that brings your body down to a relaxed state that tells your brain brain you can back down, I got this, it tells you it helps your cortisol to come in easier, quicker and bring that bring your body down to baseline. And guess what a more important thing, it takes you out of survival mode in your brain and turns on your thinking brain, that thinking brain is what you're going to need to actually be able to make some choices and take action. Because if you're making decisions and you're in survival mode, you're going to make some rash decisions. And you're probably going to have some poor judgment, if you're trying to make serious decisions. in survival mode, you need that prefrontal cortex to be switched back on so that you can take charge of your life. So that's what that deep breath does. It brings your body down to a state of calm, it takes you out of panic mode. And it turns on back you're judgmental in this judgment zone, which is where we want you to be because when it comes to stress, especially uncertainty, certainty is a major trigger trigger for us. As humans, it really elevates our anxiety, it makes us more fearful, more worried, because not knowing how things will work out leaves us to think about all it not leaves us but it more than likely more often leads us to think about the negative things that can happen in this uncertain situation, versus positive things that can happen. Psychologists actually found this three to one ratio, where when the demand comes upon us, we actually have, we actually have this ability to think of maybe one positive outcome. But we think three negative outcomes are more likely, and then redirect all our energy to those three outcome. I like to encourage people to chase the one positive outcome, just run that outcome down the street, ignore the other three, and just be so curious about that one positive outcome that you thought about, because that will help you to be a better MindScape that will help you to feel more creative, feel more confident, and actually feel more capable. So that distorted reality that uncertainty creates that my fear is bigger than my ability. When you take that control and you chase those positives and bring down your stress response, you actually begin to feel like my ability is bigger than my fear. And that makes you feel more confident to chase the day. So your breath, really and there are a lot of techniques to help with your breath is a 555 techniques where you inhale for five, a count of five, hold your breath for a count of five, exhale for a count of five. There's the 54321 technique, which is a grounding technique and kind of helps you to use all your five senses to bring your stress response down. So what can I see what can I feel what can I taste, focusing on things I can feel I can taste I can smell I can hear. So using your senses, to help to bring down that stress response. Those are kind of two ways if you really want to work on the breath, to bring you down to annexation. Once your breathwork is sorted, now you can now you can make some choices. And this is what's going to be key. And I love using this game. It's a game that works for me. It's a game that's been proven to work. The Canadian Institute of stress has done over 35 years of research to develop all of these tools that they use. And they started with literally the godfather of stress, which is how to sell you. So the foundation of their work is rooted and grounded in actually developing techniques for us to overcome stress and live a more a fuller life. And so the second technique is a self defeating mind game. And this actually takes you through four key questions for what ever it is, is creating a worry a stress of fear whatever it is you're experiencing. And so the first question to ask is, what are all the terrible, horrible, worst things that I imagine will happen based on the situation that I'm in right now. And that can seem intimidating. But here's what that does. It takes all those fears out of your head, and it puts them on a platter right in front of you. So no longer are you just spinning inside your head, and all of these old negative ways that things could turn out, now you've actually owned them. This is what's worrying me, this is what's scaring me, you've taken your first step to being in control, your brain is not just racing 1000 miles a minute with ideas and thoughts, you've taken those ideas, and you've put them in front of you, and you're now looking them in the eyes, you're looking at facing all these things that I'm worried about. And that could really be a great step to feeling more capable of even owning it. Because a lot of us are so afraid to own what we're afraid of. But once we take that fear and put it in front of us, now we can look at it, it starts to lose its power. So that's the first step. We want to take it out of our heads, and we want to put those in front of us. So what are all the things I'm thinking? All the terrible ways I think this is going to turn out. And this can reduce your stress by like at least 50%. So what are all the things that are in my head? I need to take them off, put them in front of me, then I start to think can I control this situation? No, or Yes. And going back to what we were talking about? What are my controllables? What is within my realm of control? What is outside of my realm of control? That's now we're now starting that process. Think of it like a funnel? So here are my giant ideas. And I'm now closing in on Okay, what is actually within my realm of control? Yes. Can I control this? How? How will I? How can I control the situation? Right, continuing to close it in. And this is how it becomes so personal to you. Because you're working through your issue, your abilities, what's within your control? But here is the motivating question that a lot of us leave out, will I control? Will I do anything to change this situation, because we can do a lot of things to change what we're going through what the key is, we'll actually do anything about this. And I'd like to use that to point out like an example I like to give.
When I after I had my daughter, I had gained weight, which naturally happens, I like to you gain weight, which naturally happens, which is supposed to happen because you're like growing a human being. And so I moved from a size 810 to a size 1214. And like it was so overwhelming for me because my clothes wouldn't fit. And it was just, you know, I've done so much to keep that way for so long. And now I was in a new way. And I was really stressed out. So you know, I look at a situation, can I change this situation? You know, yes, I can, I can do a few things, I can actually change it, I can leave it as it is, or I can lessen the load. Right, I can reduce the burden of what I'm experiencing right now. So those are three ways that I could look at changing it. And so for me, yes, I can change it, there are a lot of things I could do. I could work out, I could change my diet, whatever it was. But here was the kicker when I got to the will you change any of these situations. That was where I had to get honest with myself, I had to be honest with myself about what I was willing to do about my situation. And that takes that takes the control all the way from out to the universe and the atmosphere swirling around. And that puts it right in the palm of your hand. What am I actually willing to do about this situation. And when I faced up to it at that point in my life, I wasn't willing to work out. But I was willing to change my diet, so that I was better able to meet my goals, right? So I was able to one change my situation, but also reduce the burden of being so panicked about what's going on. And then as a result, I just got a new wardrobe. changing my diet may not necessarily get me back to the size at 10. But it at least would make me feel like I was making some strides in the right direction. And by changing my wardrobe, I own the size I was in I appreciated where I was. And that helped me to feel way more comfortable with my current situation than continuing to panic about where I need to be or what I need to do or who I should look like or what I used to look like. This is now me taking all of the things that bother me. It's now on a platter. And I'm saying to myself, I want to make this change and this is how I'm willing to do so this is my beginning motivating factor. And then once we've gone through what's in your level of control. So what's the worst thing that can happen? Second? How am I How can I change this? And am I willing to change it? Then third, we can pop into now what is the most realistic impact on me? So like, because we still have to focus on what is going to be the worst impact on me from this situation? Now we're taking things from the hypothetical, these are all the hypothetical things I think will happen. And now I'm making it more realistic. So I'm challenging even my own worries. So all this has happened. And these are the worst things I think could happen. Now, I'm challenging them by going, Okay. But realistically, what's the worst that's going to happen to me, realistically, so now, I'm challenging all of those fears. And again, I'm only owning that real, that that fear and I'm becoming more practical, more personal and more realistic. And once we've done that, then you pop into the fourth question, because we're always going to take it back to what could happen if I'm out of control, or if something goes wrong. So the fourth question to ask is, what if the worst thing I imagine does actually happen? What if it does go south? What if it doesn't work out? According to what I hope? What is my plan to manage that? Because sometimes our best efforts don't actually lead to the outcome we desire. Sometimes there are things just outside of our control. And so the the things that we imagined do actually happen. But here's where you still maintain that control. If the worst happens, what is my ability to cope with it?
Because now, instead of just waiting for the worst to happen, now I feel more confident to engage with the worst. Because I actually have a starting point, I have a starting plan. And that plan can always be fine tuned as I'm going through the worst. But I'm not just striving for ideas and throwing spaghetti at the wall, if something does actually go south for me, right. And that helps us to stay more in control. Third thing is, and most and second, most importantly, we want to be aware of our personal early warning signs. You know, if I go back to kind of that analogy I was using with a pot of boiling water, we want to be able to know where we are before we get to the point of explosion. Yes. So we want to be able to know this theme to know the bubbles. Where What do I look like? Who am I? How do I react when my wellness is going south and then being overwhelmed by stress? right for me, for example, I get irritable, I get headaches, I can sleep. What what are my early personal warning signs, because the sooner I recognize that the sooner I can initiate that breath, to bring my body down to calm so I can make some choices. Once I know this is what I feel like oh, I feel this tension in my shoulder, these sweaty palms. I'm getting fearful. What are your personal early warning signs that you're being overwhelmed and your wellness is heading south so that you can take action? Awesome. And then after that a great way one last technique is good day question. To start your day with what one or two things can I do that no matter what happens in my day? At the end of it? It will still be a great day.Michelle Lasley:
Awesome. So we have completely run out of time. oh where can people find you?La-Dana Manhertz:
So people can find me I hope all of this was super helpful. People can find me on Instagram at mindset on well I'm also on Facebook, my business page mindset on well you can also find me online, my website, www dot mindset on wealth calm. And I'd be happy to talk with anyone more about how they can literally take control of their stress how choosing wellness can become super important and super easy for them and a priority so that they can enjoy their own satisfied life.Michelle Lasley:
Awesome. Thank you so much for joining us today.La-Dana Manhertz:
Oh, this is wonderful. Thank you so much for having me.Michelle Lasley:
Balance shared is produced and edited by me. Michelle Lasley, the instrumental music grass by Silent Partner is from the YouTube Audio Library. If you've enjoyed today's episode, leave a review, especially on Apple podcasts. If you've loved the messages of CO creating a better future and digging into ourselves, maybe you'd like to become a supporter. Email Hello at Michelle lasley.com to get your sponsorship guide. Thank you for listening to this podcast. This is Michelle Lasley with bounce shared a space where I truly believe we are better together.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai