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Marriage: a Formula for Success

I was making small talk. Okay, for me small talk can be a range of things. I believe everyone has a story to share. So, the get-to-know-you questions came up, and in there was, “How long have you been married?” I always have to think about that. “Almost 12 years.” “Oh wow, that’s a long time. What do you think are two things that have helped you?” Without thinking, I responded, “Stubbornness and loyalty.” Later, I returned the question after learning he’s been married 11 years. “Knowing that you are two whole people coming together,” he waxed poetic.

I sat on this for a few days, and I decided to post it to my Facebook world. I love the responses I got. Check it out! 

Communication and laughter and being able to accept when your SO tells you you’re being an ass

Compromise. Knowing we both can’t always have it their way all the time. And laughter…we can be huge dorks

Pick your battles, don’t sweat the small stuff.

Well damn. Mine would be similar to yours. We’re having our 10 year wedding anniversary this year and I would say service and loyalty. By giving and remaining true to standing by each other… you can get through all of the harsh crap that surfaces every now and again

Compromise. Knowing we both can’t always have it their way all the time. And laughter…we can be huge dorks

Hmmmm…..humor, communication, and knowing our roles. Hopefully, that doesn’t sound bad, but having a child with special needs we don’t always have a lot of time so we do the jobs we have strength in.

Softball and chocolate

Owning my own [stuff] and committing to basic emotional literacy such as “I statements” and a profound desire to “fight fair.” There will always be issues and annoyances, but I choose to focus on the many good things we have and to be a loyal, loving friend. That they are as committed to that as me makes it possible.

“If my brother annoys me there are two handles by which I can pick that up,” as a Stoic saying has it: “By that , it annoys me or that he is my brother.”

Laughter

Communication, yes of course! I also believe that at the end of the day your spouse needs to be your best friend. Laughter, fun, and not taking things too seriously helps too

My friend’s grandmother was married for 70 years and said simply ‘love.’

My mom was married for over 30 years said “there were times I did not like your father but I never stopped loving him”

I got divorced during year ten with my ex and I’m I’m year 6 this year. But what’s helping my husband and me through life is laughter, every day!

Choose to love every day. Even days when it’s hard. Choose to love.

Compromise and communication. We make sure to know what is going on with each other and make all big decisions together. We also make sure to spend time together each week doing something – dinner, movie, shopping, something that is just time together.

Commitment to mutual joy, focusing on the compatibilities.

My partner thought for a long time and then said, “Liking each other a lot.”

Respect, laughter, play, and friends

The best way to ensure a strong marriage is to work on yourself.

You put up with one another’s shit and you know how to let go so the other can grow.

Being willing to dive into the hard stuff and come out on the other side stronger. Giving space for each person to remain their own person. Laughing till you cry at ridiculous and small things.

Forgiveness and understanding

  1. Respecting the other person
  2. Actually liking the other person.
  3. Fighting fairly. We haven’t had that many fights in 20 years of being together. But in each of them, we have never been mean.
  4. Being on a team
  5. Always give more than you receive. If you are both in it like this you never come up short.

We also give each other a pass on social/family gatherings. I let him know when it’s really important and he comes along happily.

Conversation. forgiveness. putting up with some random quirks that bother you, without letting them GET to you.

At my marriage we had our friends and family write words on rocks to help remind us how to be in a relationship. While we are no longer married we do still abide by that advice because it’s even harder to maintain a good relationship when you are no longer together but still share parental responsibilities and family.

Respect and be nice! Always be grateful for what the other person does for you and the family and say thank you often.

Lace your fingers together. See how snug and tightly woven they are? He met my weaknesses with his strength. And I tried to do the same for him. He was the wind beneath my wings.