I don’t remember when I started this one. But, it’s worth revisiting now. You would think that since I titled this “writing” I would have written more. Alas, I have not, so I will write now.
Writing… Erudite. One of these strengths quizzes I took (an app on my phone, no less!) billed me as erudite.
Yes, I would say that is true. I like to think I have great knowledge. There is a certain eloquence in using a variety of words to explain your ideas. There is a certain satisfaction, for me, in being able to process all these colliding thoughts that run rampant in my brain.
The act of writing is enjoyable for me, too. I love the sound of the keys as I tap away at the letters. I love how the appear instantaneously on my screen. I love how I use my fingers to communicate my meaning. I love that I can type sometimes faster than the thoughts can trip out of my brain. (I type on average 90-12o words per minute. But don’t look at my error rate.)
Sometimes, I worry about writing though. This blog has proven to be the most effective place for me to transpose my thought sin a readable, searchable healing way. But, I am human, and I question things, often. I am cynical and sometimes pessimistic about interactions, and I have to write about them to refocus on positivity.
So, I write. And, I worry that what I write will piss off the wrong person. I worry that I will fracture relationships and destroy chances at a new job.
But, I have to write. So, it’s a risk I am taking. I am trying to be truthful and honest about what I see and how I think about these things. I wonder what a future employer will say after they’ve done their requisite Google searches. What will they say? What will they think?
Those close to me often congratulate me on my ability to string together phrases in an articulate manner. But what about those not close to me? Or what about those who don’t say anything? What do they think? Do they consider this an unglamorous journal that should be left to the confines of a locked notebook?
It doesn’t really matter though. This is for me. This is how I can process all those interactions in a format that works for me. I’m taking a risk that whomever has found this site (by direct Facebook posts, through linked shared sites, or simple Google searches) has found value in my pontifications.
So, thank you, for reading my writing and working with me to make sense of it all.