A Letter to my Pregnant, child-less self

by Michelle Lasley

Michelle Lasley is a mother, wife in Pacific Northwest learning to balance green dreams with budget realities.

January 20, 2013


[The following is inspired by another blogger. Kelly, who wrote her own letter.]

Dear Me,

Right now, you have no idea what’s ahead. You think the last two years were agony and long and filled with lack luster and no inspiration. You refocused to get your degree, but you still have no idea what you’ll do with yourself. And, that’s okay, because soon – you’re going to meet someone who will challenge the hell right out of you and you both will conceive a brilliant baby boy.

You have dreams of a big family where Suzy Homemaker is a hat you will wear. And, you also have dreams that you will rule the world by getting everyone to be sustainable and green. Those dreams will collide when brilliant baby boy is born. You have no idea of the things that will happen in that first year of baby. You will be surprised. It will be hard. You will want to quit. You will want to take baby and go someplace safe.

Right now, you need to buckle down and find strength in you. You need to find that persistence to stick through it. There are ebbs and flows, and after the ebb of darkness flows into an ebb of light, you will have renewed clarity and hope. You just need to persist through it, and it will find its way.

You will think you have answers when brilliant baby boy arrives. But, life with child is nothing short of surprise after surprise. Be patient and kind to those who have different parenting ideas than you. Ask questions through understanding and curiosity. They, like you, have made choices based on their values and the best information they had available to them at the time.

Some of the surprises that cause you the most angst are around day care. So, do your research and get on waiting lists. Day cares generally don’t like glass! And, that, my dear, is going to piss you off. So, be ready to enter a web of systems that are going to take a lot more to change within your goals of a sustainable society.

Do your research on child development. The things you know about your husband and ADD will come to fruition when your brilliant boy hits pre-school and kindergarten  You will struggle to find balance between what you know about childhood development and accepting a disorder. I don’t know how long this struggle will last.

Take pictures. Write, and try to remember all the glorious moments that happened while you feel like you were forced to stay home and watch him grow. You regret, at first, that you cannot find a job. Retrospect forces thankfulness, though, because you get to spend brilliant baby boy’s first three years at home, together, making cookies and hanging out.

Seek out mom’s groups sooner, rather than later. They will offer wisdom and counsel that you will find invaluable. Even just listening to other people’s stories is enough to find relatable information. You will meet some of the most amazing women through your adventures in sustainable food. Cherish those relationships.

Try, very hard, to carve time out for yourself. Do not feel guilty for finding sacred moments in the day – even if it’s in the bathroom. Love yourself. Love those around you. Remember, you are raising the next generation, and you have to take care of you first to take care of husband and baby boy. And, it’s okay. Someone will come along and remind you that you need boundaries. Heed her wisdom well.

You can do it. You know you can. Try to share your story more for other moms. Because you need each other.

Be well. Be strong. Be you.

Love, Me.


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