Saturday

Tomorrow, my husband and I will have been married 6 years. Last year, I was thrilled because it finally seemed like we had re-grown to like each other. This year, we’ve weathered the 2012 storm of ups and downs.

We still have jobs, though both of our jobs are consumed in toxic vibes. Peter’s head is stable! Yes, the fluid-filled-cyst isn’t doing anything. Levi has not been in the ER for months (knock on wood now). The insurance debacles were cleared up. We have food on the table, can pay for our bills. So, surely, all in all, it’s been okay year. Though the tumultuous roller-coaster, I hope is coming to an end.

Between us, things have been fine. This year, most people I know have been faced with enormous ups and downs. My sister, who’s infant son had to have several surgeries before his 9th month. My friends who all found out they were gloriously expecting their first or second born children. My friends and us who have had terrible health scares that caused much angst for weeks and then quietly resolved themselves through testing and rechecking.

In hoping that the emotional roller coaster is stabilizing, for hopefully another few years, what should the focus of 2013 be? Well, we can assume (6 days out) that the Mayan calendar was wrong, and we’ll be ushering in 2013. If 2012 was as chaotic for others (Sandy, shootings, etc.) then perhaps 2013 will be the ying to the yang, and we’ll even out.

That’s basically what happened after other emotional events have occurred in my life, most recently the passing of my sister. In 2007, it was another roller coaster year – marriage, birth, death.

Monday

It’s 9:00 pm. I’ve got a rerun of Burn Notice playing in the DVD player. We have been borrowing them from the library. My brain is having a hard time writing. I miss the free-flowing words that cascaded out during 2011 when I really did the one-a-day challenge. I am still struggling with quality versus quantity and accepting the balance there. Writing in the blog is a way to hold myself accountable, and I get to choose the designs and redecorate at a whim… but divulging all those thoughts I generally hold inside… that’s the hard part. And, when I reiterate a days events, it often just sounds trite. So, what’s the angle? Yes, I want to explain the challenges balancing, but I go through the same challenges – sometimes – with little result. So, why continue to write about deemed failures? That’s not the positive uplift I want either. 

A note about the tragedies that have occurred lately. We had a shooting in a local mall here, last week Tuesday. Then, the week ended with nearly an entire class of kindergartners being massacred by a sick young man from the area. That’s all I know, really, about the incidents. Both involved men with mental health issues. Both were tragic. And the latter has blasted my Facebook and twitter feeds decrying the horrors, calling for stricter (unspecified) gun control laws, and some alluding to the need for more mental health resources. I’ve seen a few posts that have indicated we are doing a disservice to all those who will follow these young men by naming them. That is, part of what they are doing is calling for attention with higher body counts to replace the attention they haven’t received in life. So, the media goes crazy, trying to scoop the story, and reinforces this bad behavior.

So, what I want to know is – can we take an extended moment of silence for the tragic loss of so many lives. And, then, can we please stop talking about it. It sucks balls when someone dies. And it sucks more balls when someone close to you dies. It can take years before you can talk about that person again without getting teary eyed recalling the affect they had on your life. But, it’s Christmas. It’s time to consider rebirth and a new year. Perhaps we can consider a year where we support each other to the point of no massacres in malls or classrooms.