When There’s Nothing to Write

by Michelle Lasley

Michelle Lasley is a mother, wife in Pacific Northwest learning to balance green dreams with budget realities.

May 5, 2012


Categories: Post a Day 2012

Scarecrow Levi

Scarecrow Levi (Photo credit: alexis22578)

… there is.

Two friends have asked me recently, “What happened to your blog?” The answer is nothing. Nothing has happened to it because I’ve done nothing to it.

I answered the same answer to both: I get tired of these narcissistic rants and would rather my posts offer introspection and thinking instead. I also have some technical challenges (a working laptop!?) that make blogging less enjoyable.

So, today will probably verge on a narcissistic rant about human interconnections, but that’s what’s on my brain. So, I shall write.

Everywhere I am associated, right now, there is drama. I despite drama, unless I am watching a play. I prefer the boring in life. Between brain cysts, broken noses, and other kid-husband daily drama – I’m in over my head. And, that doesn’t count the drama around me with other familial illnesses and life drama. Alas, I recognize I need human beings  for other things in my life, which puts me at risk for entering more drama. Not only that, but I have the audacity to attempt to lead organizations, which puts me at greater risk for seeing and experiencing human drama.

In one organization, no one is ever happy with what the leader does. People ask questions to said leader, and the leader gets defensive. Sometimes, when defensive leaders are on the prowl, they fire people. All I want is to participate in stable organizations. I want to become the professionals I have a hard time finding. I want the people I work with to inhabit those professional traits. I want them to enjoy what they do. I want them to be honest. And, I want them to communicate honestly. I want them to vent openly and honestly when there is something wrong. I want the dirty laundry in the open so we can use our collective group wisdom to fix the problem.

I choose industries that don’t deal with trauma for a reason: I can’t handle it.I don’t work on crisis hotlines because I can’t handle taking in others dramatic moments. I choose jobs I’m passionate about, but that shouldn’t incite drama. So, what is so boring about our lives that we have to make these boring jobs dramatic? Why do we make our mundane like that the world can’t live without? Why do we center ourselves … immersed in our own narcissism .. thinking we are so important that the world can’t spin around without our contribution?

I don’t have the answers. Not even close. I suppose I should just calm myself down, remember that others intentions don’t really matter – generally we’re out for the same goal – make our organizations survive. I suppose it’s being patient with communication that’s really important. Maybe I should learn to love the drama. Maybe I should learn to love the emotional push, pull, and tug. At least life isn’t so boring I’m not in want of anything.

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