It’s Monday, May 7th. Another busy day at work. A day full of meetings and interruptions and not checking much off the to-do list. Another day in a series of days that have made me realize: I don’t like fast paced environments.

But, I don’t like slow-paced environments either. I want a perfect balance where chaos and down time perfectly coalesce in a sublime environment.

Is that too much to ask?

I am also sick and tired of working for dysfunctional organizations with little hope of improving. I want to work for an organization that runs or tries really hard to run well. I want to work inside of a team that is united towards a common goal. I want to work within a team that puts ego aside most of the time. I want to work with an organization that respects the opinions and experiences of its teammates. I want to work for an organization where the leader understands our growing trend of collaborative decision-making in grassroots planning.

I can’t find them. Or I’m not looking in the right place. Either way, I come to the same conclusion I came to when I started working: I want to teach what I know and I want to do it where I’m the boss. Maybe my sister was right, I’m just a know-it-all who can’t take direction well from others.

How to get paid doing what I’m good at? How to get the concrete experience to build up the skills to support my strengths? Get it. Find it. Do it. Working on that, but things are slow-moving, which doesn’t help seeing the light at the end of the rut tunnel.

Patience. That’s what I was supposed to have learned from the 2 (3) years of not “working.” Eventually, the job came. And, when I took it, it all seemed perfect. I’ve changed in the interim. My goals have clarified, or switched tracks. And, just as when I realized I wanted to go back to school and study Sustainable Urban Development — I couldn’t wait for it to start, to take off, to study, to finish.

Patience. Patience. Patience.