I usually abhor the term. I think of it akin to other derogatory terms used to slight women. I find it ineffective and mean.
And, now, I’d like to honor and appreciate my inner bitch.
Okay, why? Well, someone I respect gifted me, and a few others, Bitch wine. It’s very good. The description is divine. It’s a fruity red. Light and nice.
Bitch, a provocatively named 100% Grenache from R Wines, achieves the potential of this difficult-to-grow grape. Winemakers Chris Ringland and Lisa Wetherell use fruit from the Barossa Valley in South Australia. Yields from the 25-year-old vines grown in sand over clay are modest, 3 to 5 tons an acre. Fleshy and round, with tons of jammy strawberry and raspberry fruit, this is neither shy nor light in the alcohol department, but it’s so darn hard to bitch about the heat, when there is so much lip-smackingly good fruit!
Often, I need to bitch. Sometimes, I can act bitchy. It’s these two terms I would like to embrace.
Sometimes, I just need to bitch, bitch, bitch. Life doesn’t always go as you need or want it to. And, we need to honor that frustration, those angry, frustrated emotions and let it all out. If that can be defined as bitching, then let us have it!
And, sometimes I get tired of talking. Sometimes, I get tired of communicating. I have been told, often, that I am very diplomatic. I pride myself in this ability. I pride myself in this ability to see both sides (or multiple) of a story, pause conversation, deliberate, and be nice about it. I pride myself in being able to say what I really mean, and often, that doesn’t include those frivolous insults that can come out when someone is venting. But, sometimes, when I’m tired of exerting all that energy into being nice, I just don’t want to be nice anymore. And, sometimes, when I’m tired of being nice, I state my needs very abruptly. Sometimes it is a forceful phrase that says, “Okay, I am done talking about this.”
I wonder what my eyes look like when I say that. I know what my face feels like. It feels tight and hot with frustration.
I conflict with someone in my circle. Okay, I conflict with few people in my circle, because I’ve grown up and I know what I want and I state my opinions. My sister would argue that it’s because I’m still a know it all. My growing up, though, has informed me that I don’t and can’t know everything. So, I kind of disdain that label, even though I know it is still used by some.
So, this gal, with whom I conflict, she told me tonight that she doesn’t like “Mad Michelle.” Overall, she likes to be liked, so it’s not a fear I would snap or doing anything scary. But, that gave me pause. Sure, let’s embrace the “inner bitch” but what does this “Mad Michelle” mean?
We don’t conflict every day. I respect her, and I like her too, so I want to get over these hurdles. But, the other thing that was said was that … she has felt that she has had to manage me. She’s been trying to “work” how she communicates with me to get the results she desires.
That disturbs me, and that encourages my embracing my inner bitch.
I don’t need to be handled. I need to be treated like a human. I need to be listened to. I don’t need to take part in conversations where one person does all the talking. They aren’t looking for advice, they are simply looking for a pedestal on which to hear themselves talk. That wastes my time. If you want my advice, great. If not, be clear about your intentions. Don’t waste my time.
So, here I am bitching and trying to embrace my inner bitch. Yet, I don’t want to sacrifice my diplomacy and clarity in deliberation. Maybe this a balancing act I’ll have to surrender.