Out of Balance

by Michelle Lasley

Michelle Lasley is a mother, wife in Pacific Northwest learning to balance green dreams with budget realities.

July 8, 2011

Sleeping .

Image by alexis22578 via Flickr

Last week it was like this:

We have four slices of bread left. We have other food, but no ability to make a go-to sandwich. I have to work tonight on both work things and food club things.

So, the question begs when life feels out of balance, it should be a good time to ask for help. Right?

I say yes. I am just now, in my thirties, realizing the importance of boundaries. I give permission to others to enforce their boundaries, but I don’t always realize when mine need that same touch. So, what happens? I get out of balance.

Why is it that I cannot accurately measure how long a task will take. I estimate 15 minutes to get out the door, and it takes 30. I think some data entry will take 5 minutes, and it takes 20. I estimate a quick copy job will take 2 and it takes 5. I estimate the drive in will take 25, but it takes 45.

These incorrect estimates just pile the stress on and further make me feel like a liar because I’ve essentially broken a promise.

I miss the days when we didn’t need to set the alarm to wake up. I miss the days where we routinely got 7 hours of sleep a night. I miss the days where rushing out the door wasn’t a regular thing.

I feel out of balance.

Then, I remind myself that this is what I wanted. This is close to what I went to school for. I was B. O. R. E. D. as a stay at home mom. I couldn’t do it. I felt unfocused. I felt lethargic. I felt useless. I felt listless.

And, now I feel like I can’t get a moments peace. I am doing the should haves and could haves instead of just being.

This is where a Serenity Prayer is in order, right? (And, not the pun on hiding the bodies.)

Grant me peace.

Grant me wisdom.

Grant me courage.

Enhanced by Zemanta


Read more on this topic…

Journey Home: Reflections from 10,000 Feet

Journey Home: Reflections from 10,000 Feet

As I sit on the plane, surrounded by the hum of the engine and the chill of the window, I can’t help but notice the person in front of me repeatedly adjusting their seat, each movement a grating assault on my laptop screen. The journey back to Portland, high above the clouds, prompts reflections on the comforts of home and the complexities of travel.

The Wheel of the Year

The Wheel of the Year

The Wheel of the Year is a cyclical and seasonal calendar. It marks the changing of seasons and incorporates festivals, or Sabbats, celebrating various aspects of nature, life, and spirituality.