Connection Spectrum

by Michelle Lasley

Michelle Lasley is a mother, wife in Pacific Northwest learning to balance green dreams with budget realities.

May 24, 2011

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View from Tower

Image by alexis22578 via Flickr

I suppose I take connections for granted. I often think that if I simply get along with someone that’s the middle road. I often forget about the subtle spectrum of connection that influences how I simply get along with others.

Some people are so familiar in their nature, you feel like you’ve known them your whole life when you’ve just met. Sometimes that familiarity allows you the freedom to use “inside jokes” or other intimate communications when that familiarity wasn’t really earned. It’s like it gives you a certain sense of how relationships ought to work. You’re given a false sense of security when you don’t have to work.

I think this is where this concept of soul mates is born and why we have a 50% divorce rate in our country. Connect, easy, simple – they understand me – we think. Then, they don’t. And, then, the work begins. You have to begin explaining yourself. You have to articulate your needs. You have to figure out your needs!

What!?

In marriage, this has been a huge wake up call, for me. I am used to going through life fine. But, as a married person, living with the same people every day, when my moods affect their moods and suddenly you’re in a house of grumpy … something has to change.

Articulating my own needs, realizing what that gut feeling really means in any given situation – it’s practice. It’s not easy. But, I am learning.

I am reminded when I interact with people whom I don’t hold that instant connection. It’s not their fault we have very different world views. This difference in seeing, though, aids to these misunderstandings. It aids to this feeling of no connection. It makes us feel isolated.

So, she reminded me to work extra hard with the gal whom I don’t always get a long. She, wisely, coached me to emphasize with her stressful situation and reminded me to consider that is aiding thi slack of connection. How would things be different if her world wasn’t full of so much change.

It’s not about who’s responsible for what in this instance. It’s about connections and working towards creating deeper, mor e intimate human connections because no one likes to feel isolated, and we all want to belong.

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