by Michelle Lasley

Michelle Lasley is a mother, wife in Pacific Northwest learning to balance green dreams with budget realities.

April 10, 2011

Levi at the computer.

I am sorry I drove too fast.

I am sorry I took that last turn sharp.

I am sorry I brushed your hand when I was reaching for that piece of paper.

I am sorry I bumped into you.

I am sorry dinner is late.

I am sorry these treats don’t have the taste I would have desired.

I am sorry I did not anticipate your needs more effectively.

I am sorry I did not read your mind.

I am sorry.

He said, “You know you apologize an awful lot. It’s just that the militant feminists I used to work with got it ingrained in my head how women are taught to apologize for their very being.”


I am sorry I apologize too much.

Where did it begin for me? I have always apologized profusely – in some sense, for my very being. I recall, since high school, always apologizing.

There are events that I specifically recall that would have helped shape this low self esteem, awareness, etc. As an adult, though, I have the ability, the knowledge, the power to rise above the trials from childhood. It’s interesting what we choose to hang on to in order to cope.

Here is the challenge to myself: stop apologizing.

I am proud of these flat tasting muffins, for I know that next time I should use four bananas of that size.

I am proud of my fast driving because I like to be on time and I like to pretend, within the speed limit, that I could be a NASCAR driver.

I am not sorry dinner is late. I needed that 15 extra minutes writing to process my day before I wrapped my head around a task that I both loathe and love.

I am not sorry I did not anticipate your needs fully because I did try. If my attempt was not good enough for you, that is not my problem no matter how much you try to make it.

I am not sorry that I cannot read your mind: mine is enough.

I am not sorry for being.

I am becoming more aware. I will empower my life and those around me. We will create a better, more equal, more environmentally sound, safer, freer world.


Read more on this topic…

Journey Home: Reflections from 10,000 Feet

Journey Home: Reflections from 10,000 Feet

As I sit on the plane, surrounded by the hum of the engine and the chill of the window, I can’t help but notice the person in front of me repeatedly adjusting their seat, each movement a grating assault on my laptop screen. The journey back to Portland, high above the clouds, prompts reflections on the comforts of home and the complexities of travel.

The Wheel of the Year

The Wheel of the Year

The Wheel of the Year is a cyclical and seasonal calendar. It marks the changing of seasons and incorporates festivals, or Sabbats, celebrating various aspects of nature, life, and spirituality.