I am not responsible for your feelings.

by Michelle Lasley

Michelle Lasley is a mother, wife in Pacific Northwest learning to balance green dreams with budget realities.

March 22, 2011

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Categories: One a Day

Levi's Cleanup

Image by alexis22578 via Flickr

Rosenberg would say this is my obnoxious phase. I would have to agree. Sometimes, I feel no empathy, only want of boundary enforcement. This is written for one of those times.

I’m not. Sorry, I, but I’m not. You are an adult. I am an adult. As adults, we have many responsibilities, one of which is our own feelings. That means, I am responsible for owning my feelings and you are responsible for yours.

That question I asked? Remember? Yea, it was just a question.

I know, I know, I am very sensitive and can take things too personally – but I own that too. I know it. I own it. I am working on it. All I ask is that you do the same.

I’m sorry about the stresses life has given you. I’ve got my own stress to deal with, daily. It’s called life. Own that too, please.

I will do my best to anticipate your feelings, remember to ask questions instead of demand things, change my lingo to “could you, would you, and please”, and again, the golden rule thing – I ask you to do the same.

See, I do believe we are all equal, at least given equal footing to deal with the crap life throws our way, and again, I just ask that you do the same.

Sure, you have a right to feel angry about the question I asked. Just like I had the right to ask that question. But, own that feeling, find out what it really is, figure out the need there. Please. You don’t really have to “blow up” at the next person who looks at you sideways. Mature a little, please, for all of us.

Remember, please, I didn’t make your bad day – your attitude and interpretation of events did that all on your own. I just wanted some info, or even just smiled at you to wish you a good day.

I know you don’t trust, and you have misguided ideas of what trust and respect are. But, please, let me assure you I only care about doing my job, whatever it may be in this moment, to the best of my abilities: whether it parenting, playing the role of wife-sister-daughter, working as a secretary, or a president of a club.

Oh, by the way, there’s this concept, you may have heard of it: it’s called non-violent communication. You should check it out. It gives people like you (and me) tools to express our feelings so we can move past this grumpiness and get on with life.

Take responsibility for yourself, you have to lie in the bed you made.

Thank you.

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2 Comments

  1. Stephen Hager

    I like your writing style…insightful, smooth and useful. I would like to see your thoughts and experiences about how you deal with stress as a multi-tasking Mom, Wife, Learner and Employee. There may be lots of people out there like you that need to know they are not alone and how to have a better life.

    Thanks for your contributions,

    Stephen Hager
    President
    The Hadron Group
    Creators of brain based personal development tools

    Reply
    • Michelle

      Stephen, thank you for your kind words. And, thank you, for the focus-challenge. I will incorporate this in the next few weeks.

      Reply

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