What to Write?

by Michelle Lasley

Michelle Lasley is a mother, wife in Pacific Northwest learning to balance green dreams with budget realities.

February 17, 2011


Image by alexis22578 via Flickr

Life is changing again – the only ever present constant. I have a whirl wind of thoughts in my head – but am having difficulty finding the right combination to put down.

At least through the summer, hopefully not longer, Levi will likely have to shorten his days at preschool. I hope I can work from home adequately the rest of the time. Thankfully, Peter was able to put the shelves in so we have much better clutter control. And, we went out of our saved “housing” account to purchase clear, plastic tubs for Levi’s toys. He has grasped onto, so very willingly, the one-box-of-toys at a time. So much so, that yesterday at the library, he told me he could only do one puzzle at a time. I am so glad my dad showed us how cheap it really is to make a quick shelf last year. And, I am so glad the yuppy big box Ikea came to town for the access to cheap, clear, plastic boxes in our backyard. Maybe these two pieces of sanity will help make the change more bearable.

My back is sore, though. We will be taking the bus and train today, with our daily minimum of three bags. I am holding stress in my back. I need an adjustment. I need a massage. I could really benefit from that very inexpensive gym membership, but it is likely no longer even a conceivable item to put in the budget.

I wish adults would just act like adults. I wish I could ask for help better. I wish others would embrace compassionate confrontation so they get the things off their chest they need to. I wish we could talk to each other better about what was really bothering us instead of wrapping it around in the guise of politics or protected feelings.

The real burning thing on my mind though has to do with change that is likely to get approved. If this change means I’m paying more to work…

Right now, I don’t want more practice telling a potential employer what a great person I am. I am tired of that practice for now. But, I like to work.

When this job came along, I was elated. I saw it once, saved it, and forgot. When I saw it the second time, and noticed the deadline was the next day – I pulled the resume (and five others for other neat jobs) together faster than every before. I heard back in a week. The energy I felt at the interviews felt right. Sure, there was an awful lot of grey, but decors can change. When I was told it was Switzerland with volunteers, I heard equity, people, and the oft-forgotten human capital.

Could it be over, I thought? Could it, after three years, finally be over? One person after I was hired said to me, “Oh, you’re trying to get back in the job force like my wife?” I just replied, “Something like that.” I saw all the great experience I would get working with folks who have been in the line of work I could see myself staying in. One gal said it perfectly, “I don’t have a biology degree.” So, if this is where I want to be, this is where I almost have to be. It’s the marriage of skills and passions. It is what I was waiting for, and I thought I’d arrived and that life could be drama free for a bit.

It was. But not long.

C’est la vie, n’est ce pas?

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  1. Olivia

    huh? I’m confused? What’s going on?

    • Michelle

      Pay cuts to meet budgets, daycare changes. It’ll work out. Might be more available for PRODUCE splits!

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