Three Years

by Michelle Lasley

Michelle Lasley is a mother, wife in Pacific Northwest learning to balance green dreams with budget realities.

July 21, 2010

j

Categories: Family

The 19th has passed. The third anniversary of my sister’s brutal murder in a murder-suicide performed by her recently made ex-boyfriend. This was my rude awakening into Domestic Violence and its horrors.

It’s like I have a heightened awareness of domestic relations now. My ears perk up listening for clues into controlling behavior while my heart wrenches when I think I see narcissistic-obsessed people living with those close to me.

It still remains, though, as adults we make choices and we must be responsible for those choices. The lessons I am choosing to learn is to pay more attention to my loved ones and to listen better. I can’t call her and say, “Don’t go to that concert, you have no obligation to him.” It’s much too late to send off any warnings, “Cristi, I don’t really like Joe.” Besides, there’s always the argument of whether or not someone will “hear” you when they think they are in love.

There’s something that also seems empty about the anniversary of Cristi’s death. I think it’s because we live so far away. Everyone is in Michigan. The grave is in Michigan. The mourning, it seems, takes place in Michigan. So, the 19th came and went with a phone call and my mother telling me how she and my step-father would visit the grave. But that’s it. We don’t call each other. We don’t discuss our feelings regarding our sadness or sorrow or simply just missing her.

I’m not really sure what we’re supposed to do, either. We have to live, we have to move on. And sometimes to do that you just reflect privately and mention what you’re doing if someone asks. But, again, it seems empty and unfulfilled. But, maybe that’s I still do feel partially responsible even if I logically recognize I am not.

Enhanced by Zemanta

2 Comments

  1. Jacquelyn

    Oh, Michelle, I had no idea. I must hug you when I see you next.

    Reply
    • Michelle

      I’m a processor, so I prefer to write. But all hugs are welcome!

      Reply

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Read more on this topic…

One Year

One Year

Peter and I were barely working between the two of us, he had been laid off and with struggles feeding Levi I was barely pulling 5 hours a week. We were at the DHS office applying for food stamps when Peter got the call that yes indeed TriMet was offering him a job. We had been at the DHS office since 7:20 am and we finally got home close to 10:30 am. We barely set our things down, relieved that there was more money in our future and we could at least buy food for our small family when the phone rang. It was my mother. It was one of those phone calls where you just know something is wrong, and how wrong it was. She asked if I was sitting down, and I think I sat down. She didn’t wait to tell me and simply said, “Cristi is dead.”

100% Pure Vanilla Extract

100% Pure Vanilla Extract

How do you make 100% pure vanilla extract? It's easier than you think! All it takes is a few simple ingredients and...

0

Your Cart