Growing Pains

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by Michelle Lasley

Michelle Lasley is a mother, wife in Pacific Northwest learning to balance green dreams with budget realities.

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December 31, 2009

She said, “We’re getting a divorce.” I couldn’t believe it as she looked at me, straight faced with acceptance. They’d been married 6 years. She cried when a relationship of mine, she knew well, died. She said it made her feel insecure when other people’s problems surfaced because it made her question her own. She said previously that she loved him, and now they were getting a divorce. That was 7 months ago. The divorce is likely final and they are moving on. But, I still look at them with disbelief.

I think I have a good idea why it happened. They each had their problems, and I imagine they either couldn’t communicate them and soon the problems became bigger than they are and were, together. So, big, that the only solution was divorce, perhaps with “irreconcilable differences.”

But it makes me sad. She told me, “I don’t think we ever really loved each other.” And, I believe this is reasoning she is using to help cope with the current situation. I know it’s not true. I know, that at one time, they felt love for each other. I’m not claiming either had a good definition for love. I’m just saying that I know they felt love for each other at one time.

I’m married now. And I sometimes wonder what we’ll look like in 30 or 50 years. What will we have to say about our first three years together? Will we look at them as growing pains in order to achieve a closeness we wouldn’t have imagined?

I hope so.