Which parent will I be?

“I got two A’s,” the small boy cried.
His voice was filled with glee.
His father very bluntly asked,
“Why didn’t you get three?”

“Mom, I’ve got the dishes done,”
The girl called from the door.
Her mother very calmly said,
“Did you sweep the floor?”

“I’ve mowed the grass,” the tall boy said,
“And put the mower away.”
His father asked him, with a shrug,
“Did you clean off the clay?”

The children in the house next door
seem happy and content.
The same thing happened over there,
And this is how it went:

“I got two A’s,”
the small boy cried,
His voice was filled with glee.
His father very proudly said,
“That’s great, I’m glad you belong to me.”

“Mom, I’ve got the dishes done,”
The girl called from the door.
Her mother smiled and softly said,
“Each day I love you more.”

“I’ve mowed the grass,” the tall boy said,
“And put the mower away.”
His father answered with much joy,
“You’ve made my day happy.”

Children deserve a little praise
For tasks they’re asked to do.
If they’re to lead a happy life,
So much depends on you.

~ Author unknown

Switch the Witch

I was at a class, and one gal started passing this one around. She called it “Switch the Witch.” I accidentally call it “Stitch the Witch” on occasion. The soft sweet smell, and the announcement of the name, and suddenly everyone’s mood was lighter.

So, now, I try to use it when starting meetings. Announcing the name of the blend, and passing it around.

This blend helps balance our moods, switching the witch inside us for brighter cheer.
This blend helps balance our moods, switching the witch inside us for brighter cheer.

Have you tried an oil blend like this? What is your experience?

I am an emotional eater

We bought a coloring book that links to an app on my phone.
We bought a coloring book that links to an app on my phone.

When I started the Whole 30, I started it as an experiment with my body. I started it to see if there was any reactions to food that I could weed out. I didn’t start the Whole 30 to see how I used food to confront emotions. In the third week of the challenge – the second week of March – I had a terrible day, and then week, at work. And, in that week, my emotional eating was crystalized.

I had a bad day at work. One bad day turned into a terrible week. I’d like to get into the details, but it’s too personal and too close. I’ve gotten congratulations and compliments on this thread of personal posts, but previous emotional confessions have happened so long ago that there has been time for healing. That is, the emotional incident occurred so long ago that I’ve had time to make sense of the emotions, so sharing the feelings is cathartic and hopefully helpful to others with similar issues. While sharing my feelings on recent incidents could be cathartic and helpful, I’ve also found myself in situations where it became uncomfortable to discuss the thing that happened so recently. So, we’ll leave it at as a bad day that turned into a bad week.

The first bad day, when I came home, the only thing I wanted was a brownie. A rich, fudge, chocolatey brownie. But, I was doing the Whole 30. I was committed to the Whole 30, and sweets are strictly prohibited. There is no cheating, and there is no slipping. To the point you are not to eat fruit if you are craving sugar. So, I resisted.

It was painfully clear though (as if I hadn’t realized it before *hear the sarcasm*) that I am an emotional eater. I take comfort in comfort food when I don’t or cannot deal with whatever emotion surfaces.

I vented, in this instance, to my husband instead. Declaring loudly, “I am an emotional eater!”

So, I’ve known for a long time that I take comfort in comfort food, but it wasn’t until that moment that I knew that was a barrier for me in dealing with emotions. Realizing it, so clearly, because I committed to no cheating through Easter.

Emotions arose, and I could not cheat with a brownie. I had to figure out what was bothering me. It has taken me now maybe 6 weeks to figure out what really bothered me about that bad day and bad week. I figured it out without resorting to sweets to help, but I have not finished my end of the deal – I have not confronted those whose actions I found so offensive. So, I sit on the edge of artificial harmony because I’d rather not go for the jugular.

But, I have realized that I am an emotional eater. And, now this recognition brings choice – to succumb or to confront. And, I can do this, eyes wide open. And, I should thank the Whole 30 for helping to bring about that realization.

How do you deal with difficult emotions? Do you take comfort in rich, chocolatey brownies, or do you face the emotions head on?

More on youngin’ emotional identification

I did get this one of him, though
I did get this one of him, though

Using oils to help my son isn’t something new. I started applying them on me and Levi as soon as I got my first package.

What is surprising, though, is how often I use them in conjunction with helping him find emotion. He got in trouble, again, at school. Sure, part is the age, but part — why can’t he just remember?

Then, I have to consider. It’s taken me how long to learn to identify and name my emotions? And, he is only eight years old? I must give this young one at least a grain of salt.

This particular week, he had two days in a row where he was disrupting his class in some way. His teacher purposefully addresses the outcome that wasn’t met to incite a conversations with parents or care givers. She marks off the one of four student-learning-expectations that were not followed. Often, though, our darling son “cannot remember” what happened.

Levi has a very distinctive “flight” response when he doesn’t want to talk about a thing. He clams up. He freezes. And, he runs away. Usually, he runs to his room.

As he’s gotten older, Peter and I have gotten more stern about telling him to stop, come to us, and try to talk.

I have tried to articulate emotions – attempting to model by showing him through me, like this action makes me MAD. We sometimes try to name what we think he’s feeling, choosing a few different words to see if we land on something that resonates with him.

This particular time, those strategies weren’t working.

So, I went to my oils and grabbed Balance and Citrus Bliss. I told Levi to take his socks off, and we both sat on the living room floor. I grabbed his feet and I massaged a drop each of the oils on each foot. I talked, specifically, about something other than the bad behavior.

Within a few minutes, he started to open up, and he was able to remember that he talked out of turn in class.

I love this power of touch, this power of aroma, this power of these gifts of the Earth.

Quote of the Day

Let us take our proper station;
We, the rising generation,
Let us stamp the age as ours!

– Mary Howitt

Essential Oils and Emotions

Using oils to help release emotion? Why do I keep harping on this? Because I see, every day, how we hold our emotions in. How I hold my emotions in. How my son holds his emotions in. And, how that affects how we behave with others.

So, let’s take a look at a deeper dive. Budget two hours watching for these two videos that talk about how essential oils can help us moderate our moods.

Emotional Healing with doTERRA Essential Oils from Discover doTERRA on Vimeo.

Here’s a website to talk more about how we can use essential oils with emotional healing.

Coaching Levi through Emotions

Levi walks into the church with his class.
Levi walks into the church with his class.
Levi participated in his First Communion last Sunday. He has accepted this rite of passage I’ve introduced for him, but he hasn’t had any particular high or low emotion about it. He certainly loves getting dressed up for church, always insisting on wearing his Sunday Best.

So, in many ways, this Sunday was no different. The biggest difference was that this was First Communion, so we had to arrive early for set up and photos.

He was excited when we arrived. Most of his 2nd grade class was also participating in this rite of passage. I had to read, so I had to leave his group 20 minutes before mass started. The typical, “Mommy, don’t go!” commenced. I pealed myself away, and readied myself at the church.

I saw him, and his class, again just before church started. We were all waiting outside, for our cues. Levi asked me to sit with him, and after getting permission from his teacher, we arranged a way for me to join them.

What I hadn’t noticed at the time was the sort of typical emotional roller coaster my son ventures on, daily.

After I was done reading, I joined him in his pew. His behavior wavered from paying attention to mass to small misbehaviors. Small misbehaviors that I worked on correcting. Pay attention to this. Control that. Mind yourself. It’s not time for questions. It’s time to pay attention.

First Communion went without a hitch. Levi couldn’t help but tell me that the wine was less than desirable. The small misbehaviors continued, along with the small corrections. Usually, we don’t allow treats post-Mass when small misbehaviors are so consistent. But, today was special, so full participation in the reception was, in my mind, mandatory.

We walked over, and it was quite full – both First Communion families and regular Mass attendees. So, I found a space next to one of his friends, and pulled up a chair for only Levi at this already crowded table.

One mom invited us to brunch, knowing we didn’t have plans. I made a call to check in with my husband, but there was no answer. I checked in on Levi, and everything was buoyant and fine. Then, I needed to chat with another mom. I was gone, maybe, 45 seconds. When I walked the 20 or 30 feet across the school hall, Levi had leapt from his chair in tears!

I escorted/chased him towards the bathrooms. I wanted to be able to talk to him, privately, without any onlookers. He walked into the men’s bathroom. I scolded him to come out, and we went to the unisex bathroom. Tears, quick breaths, red face. Finally, he says, “She took your seat!”

The best I could decipher was that his friend’s sister took the last remaining seat. A seat that Levi had assigned to me. A seat I never knew was vacant and certainly didn’t assign to me.

Levi helping me frost the cake.
Levi helping me frost the cake.
We couldn’t even leave because there was always someone else to chat with. Levi only wanted to go home. I told him if we went home, we’d miss brunch.

After two brief chats, both with parents (and principals!) who assured this was a normal phase, we went to the car.

The poor boy was still a mess when we got home. We tried to help him name what he was feeling, offering sad, mad, frustrated, to no avail. We gave the poor boy time outs hoping he’d be able to ponder more, to no avail.

Finally, we settled on making him sit in my husband’s for some parental snuggles while I made frosting, all of us in the kitchen.   I also took him aside and rubbed his feet with Citrus Bliss and Balance – the goal to help him be more open to his feelings and even them out. Soon, his mood changed. He was never able to fully tell us what was going on, but he was able to lighten his mood.

We were able to finish the cake, he changed, we lunched, we had cake.

Then, almost two hours later, Levi wanted to know when we were going to brunch. Among other connections we are still working on – cause and effect tops the list. Although we ended in a good mood, the progress always seem slow trying to help him make these emotional connections.