Out of Balance

Sleeping .
Image by alexis22578 via Flickr

Last week it was like this:

We have four slices of bread left. We have other food, but no ability to make a go-to sandwich. I have to work tonight on both work things and food club things.

So, the question begs when life feels out of balance, it should be a good time to ask for help. Right?

I say yes. I am just now, in my thirties, realizing the importance of boundaries. I give permission to others to enforce their boundaries, but I don’t always realize when mine need that same touch. So, what happens? I get out of balance.

Why is it that I cannot accurately measure how long a task will take. I estimate 15 minutes to get out the door, and it takes 30. I think some data entry will take 5 minutes, and it takes 20. I estimate a quick copy job will take 2 and it takes 5. I estimate the drive in will take 25, but it takes 45.

These incorrect estimates just pile the stress on and further make me feel like a liar because I’ve essentially broken a promise.

I miss the days when we didn’t need to set the alarm to wake up. I miss the days where we routinely got 7 hours of sleep a night. I miss the days where rushing out the door wasn’t a regular thing.

I feel out of balance.

Then, I remind myself that this is what I wanted. This is close to what I went to school for. I was B. O. R. E. D. as a stay at home mom. I couldn’t do it. I felt unfocused. I felt lethargic. I felt useless. I felt listless.

And, now I feel like I can’t get a moments peace. I am doing the should haves and could haves instead of just being.

This is where a Serenity Prayer is in order, right? (And, not the pun on hiding the bodies.)

Grant me peace.

Grant me wisdom.

Grant me courage.

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