Lawyer Jokes

I  think I’ve heard this one before – certainly the punchline, but I was reminded tonight.

There was a lawyer, a doctor and a plumber fishing off a boat. They all fell in the water and a shark ate the doctor and the plumber but left the lawyer untouched. Can you guess why?

Professional courtesy.

Another, this one I heard while temping at a law firm. (I love lawyers by the way.)

Two alligators lived in a parking garage of a law firm. One was very small. The bigger alligator was concerned, so he asked the small alligator what he did. The small alligator stated, “Well, I wait, hiding under the cars. When a lawyer comes, I grab him by the ankles, shake the shit out of him, and eat him.”

The big alligator replied, “That’s your problem, when you shake the shit outtta him, there’s nothing left!”

A roommate from college (my MSU days) had a lawyer for a father. He told her this one.

This engineer-architect died. He went to hell. When he got there, the Devil was a little surprised. Usually, architects and engineers, on their own, were stand up citizens. So, if someone held the dual profession, what were they doing in hell? The Devil didn’t dwell too much, what is what may be.

About a month went by, and the architect-engineer asked the Devil for 30 minutes. The Devil granted him his request. On the day of the meeting, the architect-engineer proposed a plan. He reminded the Devil of his earthly skills in design and building. He gave the Devil a vision of tennis courts, a mansion, hot tubs, swimming pools – and even air conditioning.

The Devil paused, and said, “Why not? You have all the labor you need.”

Six months went by, and soon the construction was finished. True to the architect-engineers words – Hell had changed. It was a party every night!

One day, the phone rang.

The Devil: Hello?

Devil, it’s God.

The Devil: Oh, what can I do for you?

God: We seem to have a problem.

Devil: Oh?

God: Yes. You’re in breach of contract.

Devil: Oh?

God: We agreed on lava, fire, brimstone – not air conditioning!

Devil: Oh, well – what are you gonna do about it?

God: I’m going to sue you.

Devil: Oh, with what lawyers?

Plagiarized post of unknown sources – but I love jokes. So enjoy!

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